In lieu of National Eating Awareness Week I decided to a post dedicated to it. A lot of people asked me via Springform to post a pic of me at my lowest weight, I really don't like the idea of doing that because it may be a trigger for some people and seeing those pics make me very sad. Then I decided it might be ok to post one, then post some recent pics, to see how I've conquered this head on. I still struggle, some days are good some are bad. The only difference is, I now know how to handle the bad days. Here is a pic of me almost at my lowest weight a few summers back. This was NOT my lowest weight, I prefer not to post pics of those because they really are awful.
While it seems as though I was happy, I remember the exct moment and time this pic as taken. I was hurting badly inside, physically and emotionally. Despite being extremely thin, at the time I thought I looked HUGE in that bikini. About 25 minutes after this pic was taken, I went back to my room and changed into shorts and a sweatshirt. I couldn't stand the though of anybody looking at me in that bikini,I preferred covering up. Even though it was 100 degrees outside, I wore a sweatshirt and felt more comfortable.
Fast forward to the girl I am now. I am happy, truly happy. When I smile, it comes from within, not because I have to. because I want to.
I love being goofy, I love having my pic taken now, I eat healthy now, I feel so good physically and emotionally now. I love being able to go out with my great friends and actually enjoying myself
I am truly grateful to have an amazing family, they have supported me 100% through everything.
(those are my cousins in the pic with my parents and I :)
I no longer count calories, I no longer worry about how I look in clothing, I no longer fret if I miss 3 days of working out, I no longer suffer from depression, I no longer weigh myself 40 times a day. I still work with a nutritionist monthly because like I said, it is a daily battle. But it's a battle I am winning. the past 3 months have been the best for me so far, even though I have went through some of the toughest times in the past few months, my break up and my mom being diagnosed with breast cancer, I feel like it hasn't set me back from beating this. I feel full of life and excited about the future.
I just hope for anyone else who is suffering from an ED, that you can reach out for help. I know it's hard, it was the hardest thing I ever did. I relapsed a few times, but I fought on. you can too.
On that note, I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!
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